i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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