I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
