I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize