Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
