I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
