can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
