you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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