Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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