i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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