"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dear god my vagina.
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