Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
