Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
