I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
