I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
