I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
