even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
