I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
