I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
