And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
