walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
