I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
