It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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