She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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