Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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