Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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