I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
