I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
