I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
