2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
