Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
