I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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