Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
