Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
