I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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