please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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