My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
