Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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