Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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