Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
