hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
