Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
