Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
