I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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