where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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