I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
