Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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