you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
