I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
