apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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