I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
