Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
