You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
where are you?
Hypothermia
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize