dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
