oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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