now i know why i became what i already was.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
