dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
