He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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