Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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