he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
