It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
