I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
