ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
