We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
