Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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