I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
