I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
