her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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