i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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