lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
