remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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