So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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