It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
