it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
