Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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