Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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