That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
