Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
