I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
